Tomorrow is the "big day".  Austin is having the RPLND surgery.  It will be very extensive, very long and has risks involved with bleeding, losing a kidney, etc.  The month I have had a roller coaster of emotions.  I never have doubted God or asked "WHY?" but I have been very nervous.  I know that God's plan is perfect but I also know that I may not like his plan/  What if His plan is to take Austin "home"?  I do NOT like that plan!  But each time I try to work through that thought I remember Austin's words in the ER on March 20th~ "whether I live or die, I just want God to be glorified!"  Shouldn't that be my prayer?  I have come to a place where I do have absolute trust in God.  I know that He loves Austin and His will is best.  I know that Austin is strong and is a fighter and WE will get through this together.  As a family. 

One of my favorite books is "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. My sweet daughter in law, Katie Spurlock, reminded me of the part where Linda was talking about her daughter with epilepsy who lived across the country from her. This is what Linda wrote: "Many of us have memorized 1 Peter 5:6-7 and tucked it away to be pulled out whenever we have a problem. Too often, though, in applying the wonderful part of "casting all your cares", we forget the first part about "humbling ourselves under the sovereign, mighty hand of God." Not only are the two verses one thought, they are one sentence! They must be read and applied together.
"Humility means to have total trust in God alone. It is surrender of our total being- intellect, emotion, will, plans, and judgements. It is relinquishing everything. For me, humbling myself involves yielding to God as the Blessed Controller of whatever situation or person is causing me anxiety. " (1 Timothy 6:15) I love that! "casting" means "hurling". As we approach Friday all too fast, I am "hurling" my cares on God as I humble myself before Him as I trust Him, who loves Austin Spurlock much more than I do, and yeilding to my "Blessed Controller". How wonderful is it that God is in control of everything Friday. Not the doctors, not me, but our Almighty, loving God.

"OUR GOD"

Into the darkness you shine out of the ashes we rise there's no one like you none like You!
Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power, Our God! Our God!
Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power, Our God! Our God!